#Parenting
I have had a number of interesting conversations with parents in the past few weeks
Yes, parenting requires sacrifice
In fact, it’s impossible to properly parent without making significant sacrifices. Parenting requires making your child a priority, sometimes at the expense of your preferences, wants or time
Most parents understand the enormity of the assignment, and are willing to carry on the sacrifices at hand. But increasingly, I find myself having to check in and remind the parent to ensure that they are making the right sacrifices
Because, when push comes to shove, your child is a person of their own. They have their own will, preferences and aspirations; and if your sacrifices push them out of their dreams into yours, they would have been in vain
Imagine bending over backwards to make something possible for your child, but that isn’t what they want. They may go along with it (willingly or otherwise). But unless they pull the plug at some point and pivot to what they really want, you are simply jumping through hoops to set them up for a lifetime of dissatisfaction and frustration. Maybe even resentment, if they recognise the role that you played in steering them away from the life and future they preferred into yours
And to be clear, I’m not talking about the small, daily things like picking a meal. I’m referring to the choices that ultimately set them up for life: classes, skills, hobbies etc. Though if we are being honest, your approach to the small choices will shape the way you approach the big decisions as well
You need to listen to what they are saying and pay attention to the ways you are similar and different, deliberately creating space for them to bloom in your personality differences. Collaborate with your child to create a future they’ll be happy to carry on when you are no longer there
The entire job of a parent is to prepare their child to live an independent life without them, comfortable in their own skin and able to stand on their own two feet
This means enforcing character development and values, not personality assassination or career choices